But my ex-partner is not listening to me!

A few years ago, if you asked me how I’m doing and how my children are feeling about the separation, I would have said, “Well, I’m truly trying my best,” but my ex-husband is not listening and is making all the worst mistakes by telling my children negative things about their mother. Also, he is not collaborating or caring for our children’s needs! Today, I happened to run into a long-time friend who said the exact same thing!! I’m doing my best, but she’s not listening and makes so many mistakes with our children!

The good news is that we all want to do our best for our children. The question is, how do we do it? Do we really rely on what our ex-partner says or does not say in order to create our own relationship with our children? What are we doing to build that relationship and how do we want it to look? What do we think the first goal should be? I’ll try to give you some insight into these questions and my opinions on them. According to Socrates, the answers to any question posed by a person can only be found within the person. I’m guessing that by reading this text, you’re looking for a change and are open to new possibilities.
The text below is not a substitute for seeking professional help, especially if it involves any type of family violence!

Does your ex-partner need to listen to you?

How do you feel about this question? Is it really necessary for your ex-partner to listen to you and act like you? Are others always listening to and agreeing with what you have to say? In an ideal world, how nice it would be to share the same values and raise happy children! We didn’t get along when we were married or together, so what will make a difference now? Do you believe you must solely rely on what he said in order to have a better relationship with your children? Where are you in your relationship with your children? While they are with you, in your home, you can make your own rules, and believe me, the kids know…they know with dad we can do this and with mum, we can’t, or vice versa. The children are adaptable to any situation. You can gradually develop the relationship you want with your children without relying on what your partner says or does.

I’m sure many of us have been in relationships where there was a lot of rage and sometimes desire for revenge, and we brought our children into it! Do you believe it is the correct course of action? Some will respond, “No, but she/he is doing so and so…while I’m telling her we should do so and so.” Do you truly believe that will benefit your child’s development and security? I understand the anger because I’ve felt it myself, but involving the children may not be the best course of action; after all, what will we achieve if we speak negatively about our ex-partner? What kind of example are we setting for the children? Can we only solve problems by fighting?

We all have our own way of thinking that is subjective. After all, we are all unique individuals who behave in different ways. Is respect one of your most important values as a parent? How about ensuring your child’s safety and health? I’m sure there are other values that are important to you as a parent, and you can start working on them at home. We are role models for our children, and our goal is to prepare them for reality and life! Our children witness a conflict, two different ways of thinking, and two sets of rules. Is that a problem? What do we know about reality? Do others always actually listen to what we say? How do we want to resolve conflicts?

Do you give your 100% in your relationship with your kids? 

Are you present in your home, your environment, and your rules? or perhaps thinking about what was in the other house? Why did he/she allow the child to stay awake until midnight on a school day? What could your 100 percent be? Without a doubt, you adore your child! How would you like to spend your time with him? What can you both do together? You’re reading these lines because you want to make a difference! What do you want to teach your children as a parent in the time you have with them?

How would you like your relationship with your kids to be?

Some will say they want a better environment, while others will say they want more respect or collaboration from the children. We have a tendency to see the entire hazy picture and want to change everything right away! Make a list of a few things (no more than three goals) and write how you would achieve the first goal on that list. Then, step by step, begin acting on it, and give it time. Then proceed to the next one, and so forth. Remember that things can take time, especially if we were used to acting differently.

Congratulations on taking action!

What do you think you should set as the first goal will be?

You are the only one who can answer this question because you are the only one who knows his or her children and what goals are attainable. What actions will you write down after you’ve written down your goal, and when will you start doing them? 

Conclusion

You do not have to listen to your partner or anyone else! Your way of thinking is unique to you, as is theirs.

There are several approaches to dealing with a non-listening ex-partner. What we can do for ourselves and our children is unaffected by the fact that our ex isn’t listening. Children are easily able to adjust to new environments and rules. What can you contribute to your children’s relationship if you don’t rely on your partner’s thoughts and actions? What is your first objective? It is critical to maintain your child’s safety and well-being, so seek professional assistance as soon as possible if required.
You’re on the right track, and I wish you the best of luck on your new adventure. Who knows, maybe your ex-partner will notice the difference and begin to act differently as well!